Saturday, March 28, 2015

My Son

I have my daughter here with me and her Dad, she is going through a bad divorce.I loved my children more than anything, but some where I lost my son. I made so many mistakes and would go back if I could, it will hurt forever. It is so hard to live in the world when you know he is just a few miles away and yet you will never see him again. I suppose there is always some little bit of hope. My daughter miss's him as much as I. She is home with us and we are all missing that one piece of our lives. I love you my son, your mom's only dream is to see her baby boy just once more. You are my heart. Time goes so fast and we need to use it wisely, it is not on our side. Just one knock on the door, a phone call, one word. I love you..... 

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Lost and Found

This is a picture I took of my Howard. We we a bit younger and loved traveling along the California coast. It  was one of our favorite things to do, always finding something new! Now we are older and don't get out as much, we try but it is always one problem or health issues to deal with. I have been thinking of my life a lot lately. Happy and sad, it has been a long ride. I lost some of the most important things and found others. What hurts the most is people. I lost my family, a very large one, it still feels like a punch in the gut. I loved the all dearly and will miss them always. I did try and I am sure I did many things wrong, just out of pain. When I was told to go away and never come back I was crushed. I will honor what they want, stay away, always miss them and cry at times. It get better day by day, but the loss was too big. They were so loved by me and I thought I was loved by them. I guess it happens, they are good people and so am I, our paths just went different ways. I don't let sad or bad thoughts stay in my head long. It is too stressful and keeps you ill, I need to have as good a life as I can, work on the happy road I travel. I let myself cry once in a while and then find a distraction to fill my head. Life is what we make it, we have little choice in many of the out comes, we have to own what we do and realize we allow people to enter into our space. I am hoping to live the rest of my time finding all the things we missed finding all those years ago.   

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Antique sale and a new knee!

Yea, it's time to clean the storage out. I will be heading for the Antique Market under the freeway. Well, not me so much, Howard and Dee will have to do the sale, I am jut getting it all ready. I will be getting my new knee soon and it will be awhile before I can get around. I will be sitting and pointing my finger! All the house work will be their job too, I feel for them, I am such a freak when it comes to it all being done my way. I should say I am sorry ahead, upfront for my bad attitude, crying, screaming and all around firing people. I don't think they will come close enough to hit them, Oh well!!!! The knee is coming at a bad time, any time! I hate that I will be non-productive for so long! I work through my pain, no I can't do that!! So, I will have to find another way of dealing with it. I will have a slow heal with all the other things I deal with, I hope it all works out. I had my EKG done and now a class on what we will be doing before and after the surgery. Scary to me!!!! I will be in good hand, I am sure it will work out. Help!!!!!!!